New update for this week. Chapter 5, "When You're Sleeping Pt. 2", for your reading pleasure. Sorry for the slight delay, I decided to add the funeral scene kinda last minute and then I decided ,to take it out again. So it's still kind of short but the next part should be longer.
Okay, here's the end notes:
I'm gonna be kind of honest and admit that both of these scenes got away from me. I had three scenes that I had planned on writing for this part of the chapter and I ended up cutting one of them because it sucked (it was the dinner with the Daimyo if you were wondering. That meant I couldn't really cut either of these scenes without losing the information in them, which would make part 3 of this chapter really confusing.
I mean, I know what I'm trying to say in them, but reading them back I just don't like them and I don't know if they're actually conveying what they're supposed to but I re-reading them multiple times hasn't really given me any ideas on how to fix them so you get the update instead.
Also, you might have noticed above but I'm changing the 'translation' of shunshin to body flicker within the story because of something I read on the tv tropes wiki. I don't know if the explanation they gave for 'flash step' was accurate, but I can't get it out of my head so I'll stick with body flicker so that I can type it without giggling - I would use shunshin more frequently, but I always spell it wrong.
Lastly a question: Do I avoid using 'said' too frequently?
I was reading this blog about writing a few weeks ago and the guy/gal writing it suggested that all the replacements are actually more distracting. I try to use them to convey more about how something is being said, but is it ineffecitve?
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Wow, I was goofing off at my computer when your post on Fanfic came through. I really like this version more than AFD, all though at this point they are two different stories. I think delaying the dinner was a wise decision. It gave more impact, as now I am wondering what happened when Sakura was there to set her off.
ReplyDeleteAs for the 'said' I tend to overuse that word myself, along with an excessive use of the comma (cough) is my biggies. Unfortunately when authors try to constantly substitute a word that they use often, it becomes noticeable that they are trying to do this. It starts to look like the author is writing with a thesaurus next to them. That may be why some are saying it is taking from the story. What may work is instead of replacing it, when you feel you overused it, don’t use it or replace it, leave that out by ending the talking and start a whole new narrative sentence that shows who spoke. Or other similar routes. But on the whole I haven’t noticed it yet, but like I said I overuse it myself…
EG